© 2019 by Michelle Reed. 

  • Seashells

Why it's important to let go

At some point in our lives, whether it be with friends, relationships, failures or trauma, we all need to let go of something. We need to do this in order to experience our life to its fullest, without holding onto the past and what 'could have been'.

It's so natural to think about memories and things of the past, but when your mind starts to dwell on these thoughts, it can hold you back from living your best life.

I have finally understood the reason to why letting go is important in all of our lives.

Letting go means moving on, accepting the past for what it is, but not letting it shadow our present. It doesn't mean you have to forget that part of your life ever existed, it means moving on, learning from mistakes and accepting the past for what it is.

For a long time, I didn't like the term 'let it go' or 'move on'.

I thought to myself, why should I let go of something that I hold so dear to my heart, or move on from something I can't seem to forget about, good or bad. But the answer to that is, because you don't want the past to affect the present. You want to be fully open to new possibilities and happiness, rather than hold onto the past that probably made you miserable, which in turn is holding you back from enjoying the now.

The truth it, we often see the past better than it actually was. We look back with rose tinted glasses as if the past was the best thing ever and nothing went wrong. We tend to do this for example when we break up with someone, we tend to remember the good parts and forget about the bad parts. Therefore, the trick to giving yourself the best chance to move on from a break up, is to remember the bad things about this person as well. Remind yourself of all the things they made you cry, or ignored you when you asked for something. There are so many people in this world that can give you what you need.

Have you ever noticed yourself thinking back to a relationship you once had, and thinking that person wasn't that great, but at the time you thought they were the best thing since sliced bread. When you are connected with someone, it's hard to see their flaws, until you are on the outside.

Life is full of endless possibilities, but when you hold onto the past, you block yourself off from things in the present. You block yourself off from meeting a wonderful person who will treat you well, you block yourself off from new friends who would care for you and you block yourself off from new experiences because old ones didn't work out as well as you wanted them to.

Stop setting expectations for yourself and beating yourself up when you haven't met them, you are too hard on yourself. It's good to have goals and targets, but don't beat yourself up if you aren't exactly where you need to be. Set yourself realistic targets so you can achieve them and feel good for achieving them, rather than setting unrealistic goals and beating yourself up when you don't achieve them.

The truth is, goals are achieved when you take one step at a time consistently. It rarely happens overnight.

False beliefs that people have include that can make them think of the past;

- If I am not in a relationship, I will be lonely and unloved. - This is not true, being in the RIGHT relationship does have its perks yes, but being single also has its perks. You can go out whenever you want, you can do whatever you want and you can watch whatever you want. This mindset can also make us long for someone that wasn't even right for us, just because we want that relationship status.

- If I don't buy a house or have a family by a certain age, I am a failure. - This again is definitely not true. Just because someone you may know has these things, doesn't mean they are truly happy. There are pros and cons to everything. It is one of life' treasures for a lot of people to have children and buy a house. But be grateful that you can get a great nights sleep without having to wake up multiple times during the night to see to a baby. Be grateful that you have more money at the end of the day because you aren't paying for a mortgage. Be grateful for where you are in life, and don't compare your life to everyone elses.

Be satisfied with your life right now and what you have achieved so far, whilst working towards your current goals. Then this will allow you to live in the present moment rather than looking back at the past. Free your mind of the past to make way for the present. You are capable of achieving what you like if you set your mind to it.

Accept the things you cannot change and love the life you live.